No, it doesn't have anything to do with Mattresses.

Last post, for those of you who were paying attention, I mentioned the Mattress Factory.

When I'm on the road, staring at the back of a Buick whose elderly driver in a fit of senile dementia forgot how to press down with her right foot, and I'm cursing my unwilling status as a citizen of this region, I just think about the Mattress Factory and I realize it's not all that bad. And a large elderly population is a problem that solves itself anyway. (Too mean? I'm sorry. I love my grandparents dearly and they're local, but seriously, we need to give away some old people or something.)

Every time I ask someone if they want to go with me to the Mattress Factory their first question is "Why would I ever care about how they make mattresses?" Then I dig my grave even deeper by saying "Oh, it's nothing to do with mattresses at all. It's a modern art installation museum."

Lame! That's what you're thinking. You just pictured a collection of pretentious, beret-sporting hipsters talking about their avant-garde use of the rectangle and the color orange. And they don't even know how to name their museum! Maybe we should just go to the Warhol instead.

Don't you dare. Warhol's massively overrated (My piano teacher was in his graduating class. She said he was an asshole.) and the Mattress Factory could easily be one of the coolest places in Pittsburgh.

Have you ever been at the mall, trying on something a little fancier than what you normally wear, and looked into one of those mirrors that shows your body from different angles? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be in a room that has walls and ceilings consisting only of mirrors, watching reflections extend into infinity in all directions? Well, for a student rate of $7, you can experience this along with a bunch of other exhibits that offer experiences you'll never find at any other museum. It will leave you, even as someone who couldn't name a contemporary artist if you tried, with the sensation that you're having a great time.

Another great thing about the MF is that is has great value as a place to which you can return over and over. Only one out of five floors has exhibits that remain the same year-round. Every few months, the rest of the exhibits change. It's because the Mattress Factory is actually an organization that gives residencies to some of the best up-and-coming artists in the country (sometimes world) and allows them to create their projects and display them for a while, before cycling in a new group. Even the permanent exhibits are great to return to with Mattress Factory virgins, because it's hilarious to watch them try to figure out exactly what's going on (like one piece, which appears to be a purple square projected onto the wall, but turns out to be an open hole into another room when you get closer to it.)

So go there. Do it this weekend. It's on the Northside... you can google the directions from the address they provide on their site. You were just going to go get drunk on the Southside again anyway, and you can just do this beforehand. Unless you're an absolutely uninspired lump of sod, you'll enjoy it. And you're not. Nobody is.